06.02.06
I’m Goin’ Back To New York City, I Do Believe I Had Enough
It is time to introduce the guy behind the guy behind the guy. It is time to introduce the man whose genius was responsible for a large chunk of this site in its infancy (a couple months ago). It is time to introduce Adam B.:
Adam lives on Oahu. He holds a very sensitive position for the United States government, keeping an eternal vigil gazing north over Turtle Bay in search of another squadron of Japanese Zeros on their way to Pearl Harbor. He also keeps the greatest old school site on the internet at www.adam.belsky.com (How is Tupac, and have you seen him lately?). But in the meantime, he will be posting from time to time on The Hungry Cabbie as my muse and my consigliere. Enjoy his first post here below:
BY ADAM-
You might wonder how Famous Fat Dave gets himself into so many different threatening-to-himself/ hilarious-to-readers situations. The answer is simple: dedication. Dave is so dedicated to chowhounding that he has been willing to risk it all on more than one occasion just for a bite.
One day back when we went to Herbert Hoover Middle School, he snuck into my house while my family and I were at synagogue, because he had noticed extra-lean corned beef in my lunch box and could not rest until he discovered the “gold vein.” We almost called the police because we thought our house had been robbed. My point is that Dave’s dedication to food supercedes common sense and, for that matter, the American code of justice. Indeed it supercedes any hope of a more stable career than taxi cab driving.
You, the reader, should be so lucky that he takes this burden upon himself and passes the spoils on to you in blog format. When Dave decided to visit me here in Hawaii for a vacation this year, I agreed to host him under only one condition: no grub-grubbing. I told him, “You are not here to drive all over the island looking for the best poi or spam and squid filet. You are here to relax.”
And relax he did, as evidenced in this Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition-esque photo of him at a waterfall high up on Oahu:
However, as the vacation progressed, it became increasingly apparent that Dave was physically and emotionally incapable of restraining himself from going far out of his way to seek superior sustenance. His palate needed pleasing, and he quickly devolved into a hunter/gather state, salivating at anything that even remotely resembled unique, exotic cuisine:
It was at this point that I decided to compromise. So I drove, and we braved the Honolulu traffic for what I feel is the best Hawaiian restaurant on Oahu: Helena’s Hawaiian Food. That fine eatery specializes in honest, authentic, simply prepared Hawaiian foods that are throwbacks to bygone days. Helena’s boasts Hawaiian island cuisine par excellence, prepared in the old ways and sprinkled with love.
Keeping true to the laid back aloha spirit of Hawaii, it turned out Helena has so much aloha that she doesn’t feel the need to share it on Sundays. The place is only open Tuesday through Saturdays, 10am to 7pm Hawaii Standard Time. Frustrated at my failure to deliver the goods, we decided on another nearby restaurant that has slightly more convenient hours:
Being a true east coaster, Dave had never been to a Jack In The Box. Here in Oahu though, the fast food chain is open 24 hours a day and can only be found on the corner of every major intersection in Honolulu. Dave was psyched for his debut burger and curly fries. Here is a picture of The Double F. D. with the former clown turned fictional founder, CEO, and ad spokesperson for the franchise:
At this point in a Hungry Cabbie blog post, I would normally describe and photo-journal the foods in which Dave and I partook. Unfortunately, we didn’t get that far at Jack In The Box. Dave forgot he was no longer in the melting pot of mainland America. He wasn’t in the frame of mind of a rather recently annexed Polynesian island. Being a history buff as well as an opinionated New York Jew, he managed to offend some Japanese customers with a loud rant about Japanese atrocities during World War II, and we were summarily kicked out of the Jack In The Box before getting our food (better than being summarliy executed before a squad of militaristic war mongers I suppose).
The incident made it painfully obvious that he needed to get back to New York City. But he loved the lifestyle in Hawaii so much he began studying the habits of Honolulu’s cab drivers, and inquiring as to how to get a Hawaiian hack license. I was particularly worried when he spoke irrationally highly of a cabbie he met while I was at work who told him that he has slept in his cab for almost 20 years just so that he could keep living on the expensive North Shore and surfing every day.
Dave’s vacation was officially over; he needed to get back to New York City where he could chowhound in peace. This photo with Melissa was supposed to be a final farewell, a classic shot of Waikiki Beach with the Diamond Head crater as a backdrop:
Jesus Christ Dave.
Helena’s Hawaiian Food, 1240 North School St., Honolulu, Hawaii
Jack In The Box, 535 Dillingham Blvd., Honolulu, Hawaii
Visiti www.famousfatdave.com for a smile or to book a five borough eating tour
Natalie said,
June 2, 2006 at 1:44 pm
The sports illustrated swimsuit edition shot is priceless! Great post!
Cindy said,
June 2, 2006 at 2:48 pm
Wow, sounds like you had a good time. Where’s that waterfall in Oahu? I’ve always wanted to visit Hawaii and it looks like Dave’s having a lot of fun posing!
acmr said,
June 2, 2006 at 4:06 pm
Dave has a mammary gland fixation? He even tried his moves on the male statue!
Bob said,
June 2, 2006 at 8:32 pm
What a great blog and a great concept I do a cablog in the UK and have a look in every day or so.If I ate as well as you I would be twice the size.
AWE said,
June 2, 2006 at 8:33 pm
Nice guest post, make sure he does it again sometime.
Melissa said,
June 3, 2006 at 12:48 am
Yes, Dave has been officially diagnosed with ‘mammary gland fixation disorder’. I used to think that he was only into my mams – but evidently – I was mistaken.
Dan B. said,
June 3, 2006 at 2:44 am
I’m Adam’s brother. We had to suffer for two weeks without delicious lean kosher corned beef from Katz’ due to the fact that Dave (who is now famous & fat) had to indulge. Our lunches, for that period of time, consisted of creamy peanut butter (we couldn’t have chunky at the time because Adam had braces) on jewish rye…A combination I do not recommend to anyone. I of course was angry at Dave for a time. Now however, 14 years later, I am witness to the fact that Dave’s unhealthy obsession or ‘mammary glad fixation disorder’ to quote Melissa (above) has allowed him to bring joy and entertainment to the minds and stomach’s of people world wide. God bless the Hungry Cabbie…God bless
Kristiane said,
June 3, 2006 at 4:26 am
Welcome, Adam. Thanks for sharing more about Dave with us – he’s an interesting guy. Love this blog!
Adam said,
June 4, 2006 at 3:20 am
Adam here- The waterfall pictured above was Manoa Falls on Oahu – the final stop of a very popular hiking trail. For the record, the Hawaiian Department of Parks does not condone swimming in the falls. The bacteria in the water can get you really sick. “Famous” is apparently immune to harmful bacteria most likely due to exposing his stomach to so many different, succulent foods.
Roberta Bear said,
June 5, 2006 at 2:12 am
Nice cheesecake shot of Dave. That was taken in his slimmer days.
The Hungry Cabbie: The Eating Adventures of a NYC Yellow Cabbie » North Shore Eating Tour said,
June 20, 2006 at 6:10 pm
[...] Adam B. here! I’ve had a team of monkeys working around the clock doing market research, and they’ve concluded Famous Fat Dave has the eating tour market cornered on the whole of mainland America. But here in Oahu, nothing like it exists. So today, take my virtual North Shore Eating Tour, and next time you are in the islands, maybe I’ll take you along: [...]
The Hungry Cabbie: The Eating Adventures of a NYC Yellow Cabbie » It’s Famous Fat Dave’s Theme Song said,
July 5, 2006 at 1:17 pm
[...] Adam B. was given a sneak peek at the song and called it “The best theme song since the It’s The Gary Shandling Show theme song.” Another person close to the project called it, “The greatest song ever.” My dad has it on his ipod. Let us know what you think. And Nat Hentoff, if you are reading, we’d like to know what you think as well. [...]
The Hungry Cabbie: The Eating Adventures of a NYC Yellow Cabbie » Remember Maine said,
November 2, 2006 at 5:48 am
[...] Hi folks. Adam B. here, hoping to take a moment to go back in time with you and Famous Fat Dave. The month was March, the year was 2003: a tumultuous time for our nation. Scorn for America was building as the leader of the Free World abondoned reckless diplomacy in favor of a cool, calculated blitz to Baghdad. [...]